Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways. The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.
The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."
The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my... [ Continue reading... ]
When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist.
While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be
corrected by minor surgery.
The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need
for... [ Continue reading... ]
The Captain called the Sergeant in. “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones’ mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me.”
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. “Listen up, men,” says the Sergeant. “Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the... [ Continue reading... ]
A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door.
He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there. He asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is married.
The man replies, “Yes, I am.”
The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife.
The guy says, “Sure…” and gets a photo to show them.
The deputy says, “I’m sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife’s been hit by a... [ Continue reading... ]
During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine.
In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles etc.)
An average person's yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubichairs.
In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept!
Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their... [ Continue reading... ]
"Mr. Chilton," the analyst said, "I think this will be your last visit."
"Does that mean I'm cured?" he asked.
"For all practical purposes, yes," she said. "I think we can safely say that your kleptomania is now under control. You haven't stolen anything in two years, and you seem to know where the kleptomania came from."
"Well, that's terrific, Doctor. Before I go, I'd like to tell you something. Although our relationship is strictly... [ Continue reading... ]
An evil Atheist explorer in the depths of the Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives.
Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!"
A ray of light shines down from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So, the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to... [ Continue reading... ]
A man walked into his office and told his male co-workers his wife had given him an ultimatum:
until he quit smoking, he wasn't going to get any sex.
They asked him, "How long do you think you'll be able to hold out?"
"Until my girlfriend dies or I get arthritis of the wrist." [ Continue reading... ]
