Three men died on Christmas and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The man from England fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The man from wales reached into his pocket... [ Continue reading... ]
Clinton died and was standing at the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.
"'It's me, Bill Clinton."
"And what do you want?" asked St. Peter.
"Lemme in!" replied Clinton.
"Soooo," pondered Peter. "What bad things did you do on earth?"
Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I... [ Continue reading... ]
Three men die in a plane crash and are waiting to enter heaven.
St. Peter asks the first man, "What did you do on Earth?"
Man #1: I was a doctor.
St. P.: Go right through those pearly gates.
St. P.: And what did you do on Earth?
Man #2: I was a school teacher.
St. P.: Go right through those pearly gates.
St. P.: And what did you do on Earth?
Man #3: I was a musician.
St. P.: Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through... [ Continue reading... ]
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.
He says "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks... [ Continue reading... ]
A woman dies and goes to heaven. As St. Peter is processing her, she hears a woman screaming in pain. She looks in the room and sees them drilling holes in the woman’s shoulders to fasten the wings. Then she hears a man screaming and sees them drilling holes in his head to fasten the halo. "I do not want to go to heaven", she tells St. Peter. "I’ll go to the other place." "You don’t want to go there", he replies. "They rape and... [ Continue reading... ]
Three men - an Australian, a Jew, and an Abo - are crossing the road, when a bus runs them all over, killing them instantly.They appear before Saint Peter, who prepares to let them into Heaven.The three plead and beg to be allowed to go back, as they're only young and haven't led full lives.Eventually, Saint Peter relents and lets them go back to earth - on the one condition that they each pay him $500.The Aussie pays his $500 straight... [ Continue reading... ]
Three men a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby."Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a... [ Continue reading... ]
Three nuns die and are met at the pearly gates of heaven by St. Peter. "Before you enter, you must answer a skilled question." said St.Peter. The nuns agree and St. Peter begins by asking the first nun, "Who was the first man on earth?" "Oh , thats an easy one, that was Adam!" said the nun. With her answer the gates opened, the lights came on and the nun walked up the stairs. St.Peter asked the second nun, "Who was the first women on earth?"... [ Continue reading... ]
There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.An angel hears his plea and appears to him, "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you."The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.The man continues to pray that... [ Continue reading... ]
