Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazines
"Hi darling", he says, "your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Hope... [ Continue reading... ]
A real estate agent is showing a new four-storey house to an affluent young couple, who are somewhat bewildered by his behavior. On every landing, the estate agent stops, opens the window, and shouts out: "Green side up!". Finally, the young couple ask him why.
"I've got some Irishmen laying down the new lawn," he explains, "and I've got to make sure they do it... [ Continue reading... ]
A man walked into his office and told his male co-workers his wife had given him an ultimatum:
until he quit smoking, he wasn't going to get any sex.
They asked him, "How long do you think you'll be able to hold out?"
"Until my girlfriend dies or I get arthritis of the wrist." [ Continue reading... ]
An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it with her all night. She kept screaming, “Fujifoo! Fugifoo!” The American thought she was screaming in pleasure.
The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said “Fujifoo!” One Japanese man looked at him confused and said, “No, you got the right hole.” [ Continue reading... ]
When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor said, "You have a cute baby."
Smiling, I said, "I'll bet you say that to all the new parents."
"No," he replied, "just to those whose babies are really good-looking."
"So what do you say to the others?" I asked.
"He looks just like you." [ Continue reading... ]
An officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the soldier ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety. “Private…” the officer said, “I’m recommending you for a medal of bravery. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses.”
“Warehouses!?” the soldier... [ Continue reading... ]
A woman went to the bar with a black eye.
"How'd ya get that?" asked the bartender.
"From my husband," she replied.
"But I thought he was out of town?" he asked.
"So did I!" she said. [ Continue reading... ]
It was a slow afternoon at the pharmacy when Anthony, the pharmacist, saw a young, buxom blonde walk into the drugstore. The beautiful blonde sashayed up to the counter and asked Anthony, "Do you sell extra large condoms?"
The pharmacist replied, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
The blonde responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?" [ Continue reading... ]
Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.
"Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. "In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. What would you do?" [ Continue reading... ]
