Clinton died and was standing at the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter.
"'It's me, Bill Clinton."
"And what do you want?" asked St. Peter.
"Lemme in!" replied Clinton.
"Soooo," pondered Peter. "What bad things did you do on earth?"
Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I... [ Continue reading... ]
Network TV is reported to be developing a Texas version of "Survivor," the popular TV show.
Contestants must travel from Amarillo through Fort Worth, Dallas, Houston, San Antonio and back to Amarillo, through San Marcos and Lubbock.
Each will be driving a Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads: "I voted for Kerry, I'm gay, and I'm here to take your guns."
The first contestant to complete the round trip is the winner. [ Continue reading... ]
You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
You have to believe that... [ Continue reading... ]
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.
The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of... [ Continue reading... ]
Dear Abby,
My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and supporters. They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issue. He is a hard worker but many of his co-workers are leery of him. Every time he gets caught, he denies it all. Then he admits that he was wrong and begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so long, everyone in... [ Continue reading... ]
So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do?
Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets.
Your are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives.
Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem.
Need glasses, great.
New hip, knees, kidney, lungs,... [ Continue reading... ]
A chap walks into the council office, says to the receptionist,
"I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be a Councillor."
The receptionist replied,"Certainly sir.. Please fill in this form"
.So he was filling in the form OK until he came to the question -Are you circumcised?
So he asked the receptionist - "Is that question necessary?"
She replied," If you are circumcised you are not eligible".
He... [ Continue reading... ]
The kids in the neighborhood held an election. The grownups were astonished that a four-year-old had been elected president."That boy must be a born leader," one dad observed. "How does it happen that all you bigger boys voted for him?""Well, you see, Dad," one lad replied, "he cannot very well be secretary because he does not know how to write. He would not do for treasurer because he is not able to count. He would never do for... [ Continue reading... ]
SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes one and gives it to someone else.COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and gives you the milk.FASCISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and sells you the milk.MILITARY DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and shoots you.BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. The state takes both of them, accidentally kills one and spills the milk in the... [ Continue reading... ]
