A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door.
He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there. He asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is married.
The man replies, “Yes, I am.”
The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife.
The guy says, “Sure…” and gets a photo to show them.
The deputy says, “I’m sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife’s been hit by a... [ Continue reading... ]
It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping they did when they were younger. When men notice this, they should try not to yell. Let me relate how I handle the situation.
When I chucked my job and took early retirement a year ago, it became necessary for Nancy to get a full-time job both for extra income and for health insurance benefits that we need. She... [ Continue reading... ]
The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.
"Do you realize what time it is?" she asked. He answered, "Don't get excited. I'm late because I bought something for the house."
Immediately her attitude... [ Continue reading... ]
Types Of Men You May Meet In The Mens Urinal
EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips his shorts.
SOCIABLE: Joins friends in piss whether he has to go or not.
CROSSEYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is hung.
TIMID: Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal and comes back later.
INDIFFERENT: All urinals being in use, he pisses in the sink.
CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around... [ Continue reading... ]
Her - Lose weight / Go on a diet / Drink more water
Him - One case beer per weekend (unless having guys over or Superbowl weekend)
Her - ONLY one chocolate bar per week
Him - ONLY three nights at topless bar per week
Her - Workout - Jog/Step Bench 5 times week
Him - Move furniture to find lost little black book and bedroom TV remote
Her - Subscribe to Shape/Fitness Magazine
Him - Call 1-800 number to get on Victoria's Secret catalog... [ Continue reading... ]
What women want
What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are.
What they get
What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him.
What men want
What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful Mom with big hooters and can suck the chrome off a flag pole.
What men get
What men... [ Continue reading... ]
Derek's New Year's Eve party was an annual occurrence with numerous guests arriving.
During the evening, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to where the drinks were, in the kitchen.
He sat there happily, chatting away, for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face.
'You know,' he confided to Derek, 'I wasn't even invited to this party.
I just came over to... [ Continue reading... ]
A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers... [ Continue reading... ]
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"
"It uses alpha waves to telepathically... [ Continue reading... ]
