Huge Collection of Jokes Online
A real estate agent is showing a new four-storey house to an affluent young couple, who are somewhat bewildered by his behavior. On every landing, the estate agent stops, opens the window, and shouts out: "Green side up!". Finally, the young couple ask him why. "I've got some Irishmen laying down the new lawn," he explains, "and I've got to make sure they do it... [ Continue reading... ]
Three men died on Christmas and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honour of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The man from England fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said. The man from wales reached into his pocket... [ Continue reading... ]
An Englishman, Irishman and a Scottish man are sitting in a pub full of people. The Englishman says, "The pubs in England are the best. You can buy one drink and get a second one free". Everyone in the pub agreed and gave a big cheer. The Scottish man says,"..yeah. That's quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free." Again, the crowd in the pub gave a big cheer. The Irish man says "Your two... [ Continue reading... ]
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of my wife!' That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the best toast of the night.' She said, great & what was your toast?' John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.' 'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!'... [ Continue reading... ]
A Cuban, a Scot, a Spaniard, and an Irishman are sharing a carriage on a train to Belfast. The Cuban lights up this enormous Cuban cigar, takes one short drag from it and flings the cigar out the window. The other three look at him in amazement and ask why he just threw out a full Cuban cigar. He says, "I'm from Cuba, we have thousands of those things back home." The Scot pulls out a litre bottle of Bells Whiskey, a 50 year-old... [ Continue reading... ]
People and an Irishman were in a 4 engine jumbo jet heading over the Pacific Ocean, Suddenly, a Message is announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen Engine #2 has Died, We will be 30 mins late" "Damn!" Said the Irishman, 10 mins later, "I`m sorry people Engine #3 has died, We`ll be 1 hour late" 20 mins later, "Every one, engine # 4 has died,sorry, We`ll be 2 hours late" Suddenly the Irish man speaks out, "Bloody hell, If the last engine goes... [ Continue reading... ]
An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness's in 10 minutes." Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations. One guy even leaves the bar. A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, "Is that bet still on?" "Sure." So the bartender lines 10 Guinness's up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes. As the... [ Continue reading... ]
Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle.As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish."Turn the lake into beer," he says.The genie goes, "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer.He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?"The other guy says, "You jerk. Now we've got to piss in the... [ Continue reading... ]
Three guys - a Frenchman, a German and a Irishman, were sitting in a bar. In walked a mean looking black guy looking for a fight. He sat down, ordered a beer, took a drink, went over and slapped the Frenchman and said, "I like screwing white women."The Frenchman looked at him and thought, and said, "Well, that's great."Then the big black guy went over to the German, hit him on the shoulder and said, "I like screwing white women."The German... [ Continue reading... ]
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