A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife, "Honey, I got a new secretary, and imagine what happened! She's got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it's not a big deal but it feels good."
The next day when they come home his wife asks, "How was your day?"
The man say, "Fantastic! It's not only her bra that is red and white but also her panties. You know it's not a big deal... [ Continue reading... ]
Her - Lose weight / Go on a diet / Drink more water
Him - One case beer per weekend (unless having guys over or Superbowl weekend)
Her - ONLY one chocolate bar per week
Him - ONLY three nights at topless bar per week
Her - Workout - Jog/Step Bench 5 times week
Him - Move furniture to find lost little black book and bedroom TV remote
Her - Subscribe to Shape/Fitness Magazine
Him - Call 1-800 number to get on Victoria's Secret catalog... [ Continue reading... ]
SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
STYLE:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
MONEY MANAGEMENT:
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn't want.
HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man you... [ Continue reading... ]
A Fairy told a married couple, "For being such an exemplary married couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish".
"I want to travel around the world with my dearest husband" said the wife. And the fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! Two tickets appeared in her hands.
Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said, "Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime.... [ Continue reading... ]
In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects...Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here's a guide to the point system.
Simple Duties:
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
You throw the bedspread... [ Continue reading... ]
Two women friends chatting in office:
Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a... [ Continue reading... ]
The Perfect Day - Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
The Perfect Day - Him
6:45 Alarm.
7:00 Shower and... [ Continue reading... ]
A man calls his stockbroker all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice. He says, "Sell it all, sell everything fast, right away." The stockbroker tries to explain that the market is cyclical in nature and that for long term outlook stocks still remain the place to be.
The man says, "Let me tell you a secret. You know I've been married for 6 years now and I've been your client for 5 years."
"Yes, go on," the stockbroker... [ Continue reading... ]
THINGY
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
VULNERABLE
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing football without a helmet.
COMMUNICATION
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.
BUTT
Female: The body part that every item of clothing... [ Continue reading... ]
