Huge Collection of Jokes Online
** If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws. ** Birthdays are good for you - the more you have, the longer you live. ** Constant change is here to stay. ** Buy one for the price of two and get another one free! ** Vanna White's in a rehab center. She's hooked on phonics. ** A watched clock never boils. ** A word to the wise is unnecessary. ** All generalizations are dangerous, even this one. ** I'd like to... [ Continue reading... ]
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband! I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. Don't feel bad. A lot of people... [ Continue reading... ]
63% of all statistics are made up... including this one. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue. All of your co-workers are fools. You must learn to pity and tolerate them. An optimist is simply a pessimist with no job experience. And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing. Change is good. You go first. Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.... [ Continue reading... ]
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear... [ Continue reading... ]
List of possible slogans promoting national condom weekCover your stump before you humpBefore you attack her, wrap your whackerDon't be silly, protect your willyWhen in doubt, shroud your spoutDon't be a loner, cover your bonerYou can't go wrong if you shield your dongIf you're not going to sack it, go home and whack itIf you think she's spunky, cover your monkeyIf you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomizeIt will be sweeter if you wrap... [ Continue reading... ]
... I'd rather have my nipples chewed off...by a pack of wild dogs.... I'd rather masturbate with a cheese grater. ... I'd rather slide down a barbed wire banister into a bucket of alcohol.... I would rather stick my genitals in a bees nest.... I would rather crush my foreskin between two tables while being bitch whipped by a fat, mustached geek named Spyros. ... I would rather have a porcupine inserted violently into my... [ Continue reading... ]
Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is husband ! A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without,,, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later. You can't buy love . . . but you pay heavily for it. ... [ Continue reading... ]
There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her, They got married, and now he is going through hell. There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!" Married life is full of excitement and frustration: * In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. * In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. * In the third year, they both speak... [ Continue reading... ]
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the... [ Continue reading... ]
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