Murphy's First Law for Wives:
If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation:
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
The Salary Axiom:
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home... [ Continue reading... ]
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
LAW 3: Brand new golf... [ Continue reading... ]
In a court room in rural Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder, there is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse, which would really seal his fate.In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick."Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the shyster says as he looks at his... [ Continue reading... ]
If u think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm thatThe nicer she is...the quicker u will be dumped!!!!!The more the makeup, worse the looks..."99% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 1% would always be in your company."............ .....100% trueThe guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.If by any chance the girl you like, likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years... [ Continue reading... ]
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.Just remember if it wasn't for gravity, we'd all fall off.The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to... [ Continue reading... ]
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to use the bathroom.2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, or screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and... [ Continue reading... ]
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone. 2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any. 3. No one is listening until you fart. 4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. 5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 6. If you think nobody cares... [ Continue reading... ]
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of... [ Continue reading... ]
