There was a little boy with a bad attitude.
He was at home one day doing his chores. He was feeding the chickens and he got mad and kicked one across the yard.
He was feeding the hogs and got mad and kicked the hell out of one of them also.
He was milking the cow and it kept hitting him in the face with its tail so he kicked it, too.
His mom had been watching him and told him he couldn't have any chicken, beef, or pork for a month because he... [ Continue reading... ]
Little Freddy was puzzled as to his origin.
"How did I get here, Mommy?"
His mother said, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you."
"And did God send YOU, too Mommy?"
"Yes, Freddy, He did."
"And GRANDMA and GREAT GRANDMA and DADDY, too?"
Again the answer was "Yes, Freddy, He did." Little Freddy shook his head in disbelief.
"Then you mean to tell me there's been no "f*cking" in this family for 100 years?!?!?
No wonder everyone is so... [ Continue reading... ]
A teacher had twenty-six students in her class She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!
1. Don't change horses .................... until they... [ Continue reading... ]
A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine.
"Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher.... [ Continue reading... ]
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers."
"That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess,"" she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess... [ Continue reading... ]
The kids in the neighborhood held an election. The grownups were astonished that a four-year-old had been elected president."That boy must be a born leader," one dad observed. "How does it happen that all you bigger boys voted for him?""Well, you see, Dad," one lad replied, "he cannot very well be secretary because he does not know how to write. He would not do for treasurer because he is not able to count. He would never do for... [ Continue reading... ]
NUDITYI was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, ‘Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!’OPINIONSOn the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, ‘The opinions expressed by this child are not... [ Continue reading... ]
There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy - Johnny.The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan."The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan. The... [ Continue reading... ]
