A woman goes to the gynecologist for the first time...she's lying on her back with her feet in the stirrups when the doctor comes in. He lifts up the sheet and recoils in shock. "My goodness", he says, "You have a HUGE p*ssy!"
She's upset, of course, and runs home in tears...Then she starts to think - this guy would know, right? After all, he is a doctor. Now she's curious, so she puts a mirror on the floor, strips from the waist down, and... [ Continue reading... ]
Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...
Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.
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Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of... [ Continue reading... ]
A woman dies and goes to heaven. As St. Peter is processing her, she hears a woman screaming in pain. She looks in the room and sees them drilling holes in the woman’s shoulders to fasten the wings. Then she hears a man screaming and sees them drilling holes in his head to fasten the halo. "I do not want to go to heaven", she tells St. Peter. "I’ll go to the other place." "You don’t want to go there", he replies. "They rape and... [ Continue reading... ]
Nadine and Jill were talking about their sex lives and Nadine said that her new boyfriend always wants to perform cunnilingus, all the time."Wow," said Jill, "You are really lucky, but if you want to prevent him from doing that, just rub a little garlic down there."Nadine said, "I tried that already, and the next night he came to bed with some bread, olive oil, and a head of... [ Continue reading... ]
A prostitute on her period decides to catch a client anyway. She thinks to herself: "I'll find some drunk. He won't even notice anything."She goes to the bar, finds a really drunk guy there, takes him to the nearest hotel and they spend the night together.The guy wakes up the next morning (the prostitute is already gone by then) and as he starts to get out of bed he sees that his hands are covered in blood. He starts running around the room,... [ Continue reading... ]
Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he's shivering and shaking. Theother flea asks him, "Why are you shaking so badly?" The first flea says, "I rode down here from New Jersey on the moustache of this guy on a Harley". The other flea responds saying, "That's the worst wayto travel, pal. The next time, try what I do.Go to the New Jersey airport bar. Have a few drinks. ... [ Continue reading... ]
Tommy, Little Johnny and Harry were standing around bullsh*tting about how tough their fathers were.
"My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that!" said Harry.
"Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men... so lick that!" Tommy said.
"That's nothing!" declared little Johnny. "My dad hasn't wiped his arse in 10 years... so lick that! [ Continue reading... ]
A fellow was on his honeymoon near his favorite fishing lake and he would fish from dawn to dark with his favorite fishing guide.One day the guide, friend of many years, mentioned that the honeymoon seemed to be spent fishing."Yes, but you know how I love to fish...""But aren't you newlyweds supposed to be into something else?""Yes, but she's got gonorrhea; and you know how I love to fish"A few hours later, "I understand, but that's not the... [ Continue reading... ]
Guys were sitting around a bar talking about things they bet on.A woman down at the end of the bar says, "I bet on things!"The bartender says, "Oh Yeah! What do you bet on?"Woman, "Most anything."Bartender, "Like what for instance?"Woman, "See that wall over there? I bet I can pee higher on that wall than you can!"Bartender, (Thinks about this for a minute) "I'll take that bet! How much do you want to bet?" Woman, "You name your... [ Continue reading... ]
