Huge Collection of Jokes Online
General Smith got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly open. When leaving the room she said, “General Smith, your barracks door is open.” He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in he asked, “By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw... [ Continue reading... ]
The Captain called the Sergeant in. “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones’ mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me.” So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. “Listen up, men,” says the Sergeant. “Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the... [ Continue reading... ]
In a party, a General proudly said that he did 10 times with his wife on his wedding night. A Brigadier next to him said that he did it 6 times before going to sleep 1st night. A Colonel claimed he did it 4 times on his first night. General turned towards a young Lieutenant and asked how many times did he do on his wedding night.. Lieutenant replied: Only once sir. General laughed loudly and asked: WHY?? Lieutenant replied: My... [ Continue reading... ]
A paratrooper on his first jump was given the following instructions: Jump from the plane and yell “Geronimo!” Count to ten and pull the rip cord. If main shoot doesn’t open, pull the auxillary cord. When you get down on the ground, a truck will pick you up and take you back to the base. The paratrooper jumped and yelled, “Geronimo!” He counted to ten and pulled the rip cord. Nothing happened. He then frantically pulled the... [ Continue reading... ]
An officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the soldier ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety. “Private…” the officer said, “I’m recommending you for a medal of bravery. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses.” “Warehouses!?” the soldier... [ Continue reading... ]
Three soldiers, An American, a German and a Polish in the Persian Gulf war were captured by the Iraqi army and thrown into a prison. When Saddam Hussein heard about them, he ordered the prison warden to execute all three of them by firing squad. When they heard the news,the American soldier, who shared the prison cell with the other two said: “Look, I have an idea, these Iraqis are really nervous right now because of the war, so just... [ Continue reading... ]
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise, they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, who was still barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened. "Well," he whispered, "I was walking... [ Continue reading... ]
During the Mexican/American war, an intense long standoff occurred along the front. For days and days neither side made any advances. Finally, an American general had a bright idea. He aimed his rifle to the Mexican trenches and yelled "Hey Juan!".....A soldier jumped up and replied "What?" The general shot him dead. This continued for three days. A Mexican general decided that two could play this game and decided to try it out. He... [ Continue reading... ]
“Aim towards the Enemy.” -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher “When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. -U.S. Marine Corps “Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground.” -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop “If the enemy is in range, so are you.” -Infantry Journal “A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would... [ Continue reading... ]
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